I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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