All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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