I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the day after is always just damage control
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
