I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
