Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
