he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
