Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
