I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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