Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
