You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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