Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
