We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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