You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
