I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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