My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's never too late to be topless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
