I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
