is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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