I swear she didn't look like that last week.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
