So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
