guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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