also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...so i touched it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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