hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
