i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
