why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
