i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
