Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
