I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
