god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
