Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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