Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
