I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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