i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
