this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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