i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
