I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
