i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
