dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
