How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
