god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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