Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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