I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
