Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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