her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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