I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
