forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
