Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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