we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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