I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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