Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
