Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
