the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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