Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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