There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
