You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
