i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
