Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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