they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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