WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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