Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
