There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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