Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
