I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
