Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wear drunk well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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