I just pynch a tree in the face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
