I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
