I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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