Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
