I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
