2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
