you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Welp...herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
