So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
