life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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