soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
