It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
