Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
