you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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