Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
