he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
