you're like a bully in the Christmas story
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
