I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
