My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize