Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
