some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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