would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
