Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
