I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
