You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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