You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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