There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
