i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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