Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
