My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
