Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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