mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
