if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
