i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
