I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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