Everything about him screamed your future.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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